When I First Held You: 22 Critically Acclaimed Writers Talk About the Triumphs, Challenges, and Transformative Experience of Fatherhood Paperback – May 6, 2014

It's interesting -- family routines have changed so much in the last few decades, but dads' voices continue to remain notably absent from the pantheon of contemporary parenting narratives. As the mom of a young child, I've often turned to nonfiction memoirs for reassurance, advice, and amusement. There's Ayelet Waldman's Bad Mother, Peggy Orenstein's Waiting for Daisy, Anne Lamott's Operating Instructions, and on and on. But rarely have I had the chance to dive into anything about the experience of fatherhood (Elisha Cooper's book Crawling is the only exception I can think of at the moment.)So I was delighted to find When I First Held You, with its rich portraits of fatherhood contributed by literary dads of every stripe. There's Bob Smith's warm, funny tale of being a queer, disabled father/"deadbeat donor" of two (he's "Bob" to them, not Dad), and a heartbreaking piece from Steve Edwards about the vast distance between prenatal fantasy and postnatal reality after his child's undiagnosed illness pushes him and his wife to the brink.There are dads that hate to play, dads that wish their daughters would just stop talking so much, dads who have to construct fatherhood on their own terms in the wake of their own fathers' failures. There is guilt, there is worry (about safety, money, drinking too much, controlling rage), there is mourning for lost parents and grandparents and marriages and youth. But to me, this book is ultimately about joy and love, of course -- about the way that your heart opens up when your child is born and you realize, as Stephen O'Connor so aptly puts it, that you are no longer only yourself. A great read for fathers and mothers alike.

When I First Held You is a refreshing, honest look at modern fatherhood as seen through the eyes of some of the best young(ish) male writers of the era. This collection of essays is not, as inferred by title, a hodgepodge collection of Gen X and Gen Y narcissism about the never ending parade of dirty diapers and hours of lost sleep and soul-draining demands from the wet-set and how all is forgiven by the chance re-discovery of the birthing video. While there is a touch of that type of narrative, as there must be, When I First Held You is an open and honest conversation about the challenges and experiences of modern fatherhood told from the perspective of fathers who were first sons. This honesty is at its peak when contributor Bruce Machart openly admits, on behalf of so many of us, that we just don't like to play. Especially with kids. Even our own. Yet we try to find the strength and energy and motivation to play with our kids, even if it seems as though it will surely be our undoing. Life and death accidents, chronic illnesses, internal struggle and external conflicts; the palette of fatherhood is found in these essays, which in turn is shared openly and mostly selflessly. This book is a great read for any member of the family.

This is a terrific read for fathers, sons, and anyone interested in looking back at or looking ahead to having children. The diverse mix of super-established authors builds a multi-faceted view of parenthood, its challenges and joys, and the essays are by turns surprising, tense, and thought-provoking, but they always remain engrossing. Particular highlights for me include the intro, Justin Cronin’s struggle after a terrifying near-miss car accident, Benjamin Percy’s bracing essay about his own mortality, and Rick Moody’s moving look at his failings as a father. But other readers no doubt will have their own favorites, because this is one of those unique anthologies that’s equally weighted in quality across all its terrific parts.

I bought this book several years ago for my son when he had his first child. The essays were all different and all were touching, showing different facets of a father's love for his child. My daughter just got pregnant and I bought another copy of this for her husband. It's a really nice book.

A bit disappointed. Poignant stories, seems to be dominated by today's reality for many --- parents who divorce or never marry and hard-hitting language. Great stories, but I had planned to share with my sons, new dads, and thought it (thus far) incredibly depressing about the hope of parenting together in the same home. I didn't want to scare them off! For a guy with a few years behind him (I'm 64) it is quite good, and I might get a 4* from that perspective.

I'm a 1st time father of a just recently turned 1 year old, this book has really helped me understand fatherhood in a way I never thought possible

It starts out really good. But the later essays are yawners.

Perfect for new dads!