Laura BatesMen Who Hate Women: From Incels to Pickup Artists: The Truth about Extreme Misogyny and How it Affects Us All

What an eye-opening book that everyone should take the time to read. The way the alt right white supremacy groups go almost hand in hand with Icels, PUA, MGTOW, and more is a scary problem that we as a, society need to handle before they can do more damage, including to our young men and boys.

About two or three months ago, there was a school shooting at a local high school. One girl was killed and two boys were wounded. After the police investigated, they reported that the shooter, who had shot himself along with everybody else, had frequented online sites related to something called “incel ideology,” along with white supremacist groups and other lovely things.This was at the same high school my daughter attended a little over twenty years ago.When I saw a deal for this book on BookBub, and that it mentioned incels, I had to get it, to find out more. Because, until the shooting incident, I had never heard of incels.The author, Laura Bates, is based in the UK, and she appears to have a background in sociology. Much of her research for this book was done online, in the various social media and other types of forums found there. Occasionally it will sound a little academic. And some of her examples relate a little more to the UK than to the US. But the near-ubiquitous nature of the internet means that the communities she documents are accessible to just about anybody who wants to see what they have to say.She discusses several subgroups of what is called the ‘manosphere.’ Most of them are primarily online, but several also have some presence in the everyday world as well. And at least one is really only present in real life, although it may be the most violent group of all.The first group covered is incels. The name is short for ‘involuntarily celibate.’ This is the most violent corner of the manosphere, responsible for over 100 deaths or injuries in the past ten years (not counting the recent school shooting). They are fond of the “driving into crowds of protesters” method of mass murder.They actively recruit members, telling them that women are the cause of all their woes. They claim that the world, and in particular, individual women, is withholding from them the vital human right of getting laid.The next group is pickup artists – PUA’s.This is a heavily monetized area of the manosphere, dominated by a few men who use their forums to make money selling books and running boot camps and seminars, etc. telling men how to persuade women to have sex with them. Success in this area is dependent on separating men and women into stereotypical categories, where women are nothing more than objects whose sole purpose is to provide sexual pleasure to men.Their advice is at best deeply misogynistic and at worst a manual for sexual violence. Some of the most successful have admitted to rape. Many of them suggest that successful men should rape women, and that rape, at least on private property, should not be a crime. But because of their ability to con and manipulate, they are the most acceptable face of the manosphere community.Men Going Their Own Way – MGTOWThis group rejects relationships with women altogether.There are four levels of this:1. Rejection of long-term relationships2. Avoiding even short-term relationships3. Economic disengagement – reducing taxes as far as possible, to avoid paying support for any others, including ‘elite alphas’ and single mothers4. Social rejection – drops out of society altogether. Holes up in their own apartment, or moves out into the wilderness to go ‘off-grid’They do this out of a belief that ‘all women are the same.’ They lie about rape and sexual abuse. They consider women parasites. They are particularly concerned about divorce, which they see as allowing women to rob men of money, property, and children. They are a group supposedly devoted to men whose near-total focus is women.MRAs – Men’s Rights ActivistsMight be more accurately described as Women’s Wrongs Activists. There is a real community of men’s organizations focused on real men’s problems like mental health, masculine violence, and relationship violence. But this isn’t it. MRA’s are obsessed with attacking women. They also claim to be concerned with the unfairness of divorce but don’t seem to be doing much to improve outcomes. Their particular target is feminism. Their efforts actually impede progress for many male victims. They are insinuating themselves into politics.Trolls -This is in some ways one of the scariest of the manosphere groups. They pick targets and bombard them with usually threatening messages.They spend a lot of their online time insulting or threatening individual women, especially feminists and other high-profile women. They threaten rape and death, and occasionally somebody carries it out. Also, they have forced many women out of their jobs or political office. Occasionally they have driven families from their homes.“Brigading” – coordinated attacks using online message boards to designate specific women as targets at specific times. To force them into silence or withdrawal, making it difficult to report or take action against the abuse on social media platforms due to its sheer volume.Sock Puppets – fake accounts to post trolling messages from, used to make the number of participants in a harassment campaign appear larger than it really is.Members of any of the other manosphere communities may act as trolls if they feel like it. They can troll other members of their group as well as political or other targets. But some people think of themselves only as trolls. Also, manosphere trolls have taken their trolling skills and put them to use working for the alt-right.It’s important for internet trolls to claim, and be seen to claim “victory.” These are terrorist attacks that see themselves as video games.Domestic violence -This is an area that is not an online group. Offline individual family violence, like the online group violence writ small.This is not new. Domestic violence has been going on for hundreds, perhaps thousands of years. This is one thing that makes it difficult to persuade governments, police, online service providers, etc. to do anything about the larger organized groups. This sort of background terrorism against ‘just women’ is such a part of normal everyday life that nobody notices.Men Who Exploit Other Men –Mostly leading influencers from most of the online communities who have found ways to monetize their misogynistic messages with books, courses, groups that need financial support, etc. to get money from their follower, but who don’t really care about these followers at all if they are not providing some kind of financial support.Men Who Are Afraid of Women –These are regular guys who mostly aren’t misogynists or anti-women. They are afraid of things like the ‘MeToo’ movement because it has been presented to them as some kind of mass attack on all men who may be embarrassed by, or even lose their jobs to allegations of sexual harassment or sexual misconduct. This has been presented to them in such a form that they are afraid that they will be punished for something they did long ago that they never would have thought of as sexual misconduct.Actual facts were more like that around 200 men in the U.S. lost jobs, roles, professional ties, or projects. Almost none faced criminal prosecution. But the same members of the manosphere who are responsible for spreading the views that all women lie, etc., managed to get their views into the mainstream media, sowing uncertainty among people who shouldn’t have had anything to worry about.Men Who Don’t Know They Hate Women –These are largely teenagers. This is a relatively new phenomenon. They get their ideas of sex and feminism from online channels, primarily YouTube. There is a lot of pornography, and manosphere ideology there. They think they are standing up for men, accepting normal biology, just joking around, like everybody online. They don’t realize they hate women. Talking with them, and warning them about it beforehand sometimes can immunize them against these attitudes.Men Who Hate Men Who Hate Women –There are a few groups (very few) who are working on this problem, trying to push back against the bad effects of the current definition of masculinity.This section discusses some things that can be done to reduce the problem and the spread of online misogyny. They include things like education because nobody really knows how to talk to people who have been so indoctrinated with these hateful attitudes. Finding solutions to this problem isn’t going to be easy, but people who want to work for a better world need to be trying to find them.At the root of manosphere communities and white supremacy is a shared belief that the core, sacred purpose of man is to have sex, to procreate, and to dominate. Thus, power and control are utterly central to both ideologies.Bates, Laura. Men Who Hate Women: From Incels to Pickup Artists: The Truth about Extreme Misogyny and How itAffects Us All (p. 14). Sourcebooks. Kindle Edition.

As someone navigating my early 20s especially with the focus on developing relationships, I truly feel as this book widens my eyes on how I view men. Willingly I pride myself to be a man hater and this book definitely strengthen it but also made me fearful of how much damage it has on society. Manospheres are all around us and I feel like Bates done a great job on informing people the dangers of letting things slide. Overall it took me almost a year to finish this book but happy that I was able to stomach it.

The information in this book has awakened me to some recent developments of concern, of which I've been only vaguely aware.Men Who Hate Women details the curent trend of increasing online radicalization and the ways in which this is not only becoming more extreme but more normalized. It makes for difficult but important reading.For some time now, I have been aware of opinions coming from younger generations to the general effect that all or most of the major concerns of the 1960s and '70s -- among them reproductive freedom -- have been resolved, so that, although many still identified as "feminists," many others vocally rejected or were not interested -- ie, "problem solved," ERA defeated, and movement shelved.We see today, women voting in local and national governmental elections, I'd call it against their own interests, to put, and keep, women and men in positions of power over them who are anti-woman.And we see the rise of the kind of woman-hating so well described by this book, not only in online groups but in national media and on social media, YouTube being one example the author details.This situation harms both genders; and children too young to be able to evaluate this trend from experience are drawn into it.Can we do anything? To address any challenge, learning as much as possible about it is a good first step.Therefore, on the general subject of misogyny and subjection, here are two excellent classic books, both deep dives, both by men, that I'd like to recommend:Misogyny - The World's Oldest Prejudice by Jack HollandThe Subjection of Women by John Stuart MillI also recommend a newer book with a premise that is gaining in influence, and research to back it up, that explains anger, but may add some additional insight to the misogyny phenomenon:Anger by Carol TavrisMisogyny has deep roots. It has to do with history, socialization, cultural norms and more. But as to the norms, how did they develop and what purpose do they serve?Consider that both genders, well into old age typically continue believing certain things, long after they have had many opportunities to reconsider earlier learnings. Reconsidering is often done on a selective basis ... thus we could ask which ideas are most resistant to change and why.I think Tavris helps answer this, and her book would be additional valuable reading, especially for authors on the related subject of misogyny.Pros:I'd recommend this book for people who would like information on what is happening with the men's movement(s), and who are able to handle some pretty harsh realities.Cons:Some will find the information a bit overwhelming.

Revelatory, impassioned and important, "Men Who Hate Women" is a deeply troubling dive into the manosphere and you won't be the same after reading it. What is particularly upsetting is the general handling (playing down the misery of the victims while normalizing the behavior of their predators) of misogyny by the general media these days. Laura Bates discusses many topics and groups I was unaware of (Men's Rights Activists, pick-up artists) and ones I was curious about- incels. Unlike the many men who are totally unsympathetic to the curious boys and men who the 'leaders' of the manosphere attracts, Ms. Bates expresses her empathy for these males. Everyone needs to read this clear-eyed look at the hatred of women and what it's doing to our society, such as it is.