The Smart Stepfamily

This is a great book. Anyone who has a step family should read this. It’s not a hard read but has some good tips.

My husband and I felt called to lead a Life Group at our church regarding step-families. I searched for a book that would address this topic, and came across this one. Glancing through the pages, I could tell this book addressed many of the issues step-families face. So I made this our group's reading material. But it wasn't until I read the whole book prior to the class that I realized how perfect this book really is for step-families. Many of the issues my husband and I are battling in our own home were addressed in real world ways, and not sugar coated to be made unrealistically holy. Integrating a step-family can be messy work, and is not a quick process. There are too many variables to expect a nice, neat in-the-box solution. I love how this book nixed the idea of a "blended" family, and instead reintroduced step-families as "crock pot families" - a slow-cooking process to make two families into one, yet still consisting of separate, unique ingredients. Ron Deal offered multiple family styles and situations, and realistic solutions to be practiced over time. I feel like I understand our family dynamic so much better after reading this book, and I can't wait to lead our Life Group with these teachings as our guide. Even more exciting, I can really see this becoming a future ministry in our church to reach other families who may be struggling as we have (and still are). It's important for every step-family to realize they are not outside God's plan, and there is hope for peace within their home even if it seems hopeless.

My husband and I are leading a small group at our church. We're using the video series along with the book. We have two engaged couples, a couple who has been married for 4-5 years and another couple who have been married for 25 years. Each lesson so far has been applicable to everyone. The discussions within the group at the end of the lessons have been really good and helpful to those just starting out on the journey. One of the engaged women grew up in a difficult step-family situation so her point-of-view has been great for a man who is still trying to mend relationships after 20+ years of marriage. I would highly recommend this book! I think it should be required for pre-marital classes involving children of any age.

I recently got engaged to a man with 3 kids from a previous marriage. I've always had some concerns about how we blend my single life with his family situation and had sought out books about becoming a step-mother while dating. I ordered this book after becoming engaged and we have gone through the first few chapters. We have had great conversations about how our marriage impacts the kids, how to manage different things. The book confirms what many people have told me - it won't be easy, but we can have a successful, rewarding marriage if we communicate and work through things, especially with God at the center of it. While intimidating, this book also helps me see how much the kids can benefit from our strong relationship.

This is the absolute BEST resource for anyone in a step family or who is GOING to be in a step family. I have been a step mom for four and a half years now. I took classes before my remarriage, I read books on step families, I've joined online support groups; but nothing has helped me like this book. Easy to read and understand, Ron Deal presents the different issues step families face and solutions in a manner that is both to the point and encouraging. He puts first priorities first (relationships with God and spouse), telling why such things are important, and he offers different scenarios he has encountered as his years as a counselor. This book gave me practical, easy-to-use advice and at the same time helped me feel hopeful for my own future. I may have done some things wrong to start, but this book showed me how to take what I have and where I am now and use it to GO FROM HERE. This book helped me see the reality of my own situation -- I'm not alone, our problems are NOT all my fault and ARE solvable, things may never be perfect but can at least be good -- and better, this book helped me be okay with where I and my family are and what we can do to make everything the best it can be for everyone involved (even the ex-spouses!). A must-have for any step family or anyone who helps step families!!

If you are in a blended family or thinking about becoming one you have to read this book. It is written from a Christian perspective (which I think helps), but if Christianity is a problem for you just discount that aspect and the advice, insight and wisdom still hold up. Every family has challenges. Parenting is a challenge. Add step parenting and Ex-spouses to that mix and it all gets so much harder. Not having reasonable expectations of your blended family is one of the reasons many of them fail. This book will help you understand the dynamics and have a more reasonable set of expectations. It really is incredibly helpful.

The Biblical background given in this book made me realize the depth and importance of all relationships in our life - especially our family (however it may have come to be). If regular families have problems, how much more do we have to overcome as a new family brought together through other situations. It takes work, but if you are willing to put in the effort - over a long period of time - then you have a much better chance at succeeding. Let me restate that one book or one month of effort won't make a great family environment. The book states that it takes years depending on the situation. But take heart!!... doing it God's way makes it so much easier and gives a peace to your heart. I believe that if you concentrate on serving and giving to others instead of expecting something first - then you are on the right track.

There is nothing in the description to indicate this is a heavily religious book, but it is so preachy that it’s basically unreadable. For example, the very first step in the stepfamily journey is “Discover a redemptive God who loves, forgives, and provided strength and direction for the journey.” What bothers me most is that there is no indication before purchase that the book is heavy proselytizing with a smattering of family advice. Based on the fact that the author cannot seem to go even a sentence or two without shoving his religious perspective down your throat, there is no way this is anything other than an intentional choice to mislead purchasers in the hopes that they will be saved by this religious ambush. I am literally divorced and needing info about step parenting because I fell for all this BS earlier in life and married an abusive, closeted man before I had knowledge of men or sex. Now I’m in a very healthy relationship with a man who survived the same. It’s fine to right super religious books for your super religious audience, but there is such a complete lack of integrity in the bait-and-switch going on here. It’s so gross, so patronizing, and so boundary-pushing. Thanks for the nice reminder of why I will avoid fundamentalist religion for the rest of my life.

Great book! Very helpful! If you are in a step family or are becoming on this is the most important book you can read!!!

Very helpful book in helping myself and my partner navigate the world of blended families and Step parenting. It's nice to have a guide and something to refer back to during those stressful moments of doubt.

I loved this book... Lots of practical help... Bought 2 friends this book as well..

A little simplistic and really not terribly helpful for those already well versed in psychology. Does not address the pathologies of the 'evil stepmother' who struggles to find her place or be understood (a topic not addressed in mainstream literature)

Just starting it, but it is so heavy in religion it might be hard to get through. I don’t want to be told to put my faith in god, to guide me. I don’t want to talk about what scriptures have impacted me lately. As an atheist, I’m really stuggling with the BS. No where in the description or reviews I read does it say this book relies so heavily on faith.