The Aftermath of Betrayal

Short, concise, to the point with exact needs to help a person understand why we feel so crazed after discovering an affair, sexual additive behaviors, etc. of our spouses/sig. others. This does not explore reconciliation with the betrayer. But focuses on explaining the emotional trauma experienced by the betrayed and offers advice for how to recover. Knowing I wasn’t crazy and that my brain had been traumatized was very relieving. The 12 Chapters include Reality fragmentation, the protective fog of shock, circuit overload, emotional roller coaster, connecting the dots, my whole relationship is a lie, shame on who?, Stranger in the mirror, blocking it out, I feel like such a fool, is it my Fault?, Loss and grief. Whole book can be read in a few hours. Although doing the activities for healing she recommends in most chapters takes longer. Hope it helps you like it did me.

As a therapist who works extensively with infidelity, I can definitely say that The Aftermath of Betrayal is a good book for someone who has been impacted by infidelity. I recommend it to clients because it isn't long, it has practical and kind advice, making you feel like you are not alone, and there are exercises at the end of discussions to help the Hurt partner collect their thoughts in a helpful way to aid moving forward. It doesn't have all the answers, that's not possible, everyone is a unique individual in the information they need, but this is definitely helpful and keeps it simple and practical. At approximately 80 Kindle pages The Aftermath of Betrayal isn't too long when you may well be in a traumatised or deeply hurt state of mind, including dealing with brain fog and lack of sleep. All the best moving forward. I hope this little book helps you.

The book was great about taking blame off of the victim. The author consistently reminded the reader that what has happened is not the victim's fault, but in fact, it was the perpetrators fault. Sometimes it's easy to tell ourselves something, and not end up following that belief. Reading another person's experience can make it much easier to understand things and easier to believe in those things. The journal prompts at the end of the chapters will also get you thinking and help relive and get through moments. Even if you have researched betrayal trauma and have joined support groups, I still recommend reading this book. Even just having it on my phone gives me a reminder that I am on a path to healing. If I am breaking down or dealing with anxiety from fear and flashbacks, I am going to simply open the book and remember that this is not my fault and that I am on the path to recovery and healing. May anyone who reads this book find the peace of mind they are searching for. Be strong, and know you're not alone.

I gave this only 4 stars because most of the writing is geared toward people who are staying together after infidelity. My story is different and I felt the book a little lacking especially for those whose cheater is chosing to leave after exposing addiction and long time adultery. On the other hand, the journal prompts and the understanding of what happens to someone who has been betrayed was very helpful and encouraging. I still feel a little cheated with the book in that it seems to assume that I am in the process of working things out with the cheater. I was hoping it would give me more insight in how to move forward from their departure as well. An easy read, and very insightful on the gripping shatteredness that comes with betrayal. I will read it again and again particularly to complete the study and journal prompts.

Please please, if you are living this trauma of betrayal, please get this book. It is the best description of the turmoil we live with after finding out about a betrayal committed against us. The author has a gentle and nurturing way of explaining what we are feeling and why. It is very short, clearly written and you know that if you are in this “dark tunnel” anything you read has to be short and clearly written. After all aren’t we really mostly just trying to remember to breathe? I believe this book was written out of love for the heartbroken and that’s the highest praise I can imagine that anyone could give to an author.

I wish I had purchased this book earlier in my healing journey. The journal prompts are actually helpful. She is able to put accurate words to unspeakable trauma. With the perpetrator being your very best friend, the visible trauma symptoms are uniquely horrible. Most trauma victims do not depend upon their perpetrator for comfort and love. Diabolical. But each day we work to do the next best thing, work on ourselves and love ourselves better than we did the day before... and magic begins to happen! Through the unspeakable agony...an unshakable sense of self with true freedom emerges. Joy from within is worth more than any superficial, half hearted, “love” offered by anyone around us. Exploring a new type of love may (or may not) come later but I truly feel that after suffering betrayal trauma, grieving, doing the tedious self work... the inner peace that resides is much more powerful than any approval or affection from an outside source.

Being almost 6 months post discovery, this book was a needed read. I have read one on creating boundaries already, but this one had exercises on how to work through and process what what going on inside myself. I read the whole thing in a day, broken up in time frames. Very easy to read through. The only thing that I wish, was that it kept going. I seemed like it abruptly came to the end, and certainly left me wanting more. Being written by a CSAT, it gave me the feeling of having actual therapy sessions, especially with the prompts at the end of each chapter.

Wish I had read this right after discovering the sex chat rooms on the computer. My tailspin afterwards was a desperate attempt to try to understand what had happened to blow up my world, but sadly, most of the literature centered on the addict or on the sex workers. So Mays targets what happens to the innocents which, given the fact that many of us didn't have a clue what was going on with our partners, is where the first aid is needed the most. Readers, realize that we are in a sexist society; one that will discount, ignore and minimize the effects of porn use on partners their families. So it's doubly important that books like this are out there. Thank you Ms. Mays for telling the truth and putting out loving kindness to survivors.

This book helped us to have compassion and understanding for each other through the process of re-evaluating our relationship. We decided to renew our vows and recommit to each other.

I have been working my way through many of the books available on this subject. This “book” is only 59 pages long. It really is more of an introduction or pamphlet than a book. I would recommend anyone considering purchasing this book to order Stefanie Carnes’ books instead.