Adele FaberHow to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

Difficult time for kids at that age group & a scary time for parents who want open communication to help get one another thru it!! It is possible & a great tool to see things from another perspective. It’s a first of its kind to have a means to understand EACH ONES viewpoints without clashing all the time & feeling heard!! Wish this was around in those difficult teen years & give it as a gift to anyone who is struggling as a parent!I’m very Blessed that my girls are healthy, happy & involved Great Mom’s in their kids lives!!

Used the suggested techniques for the first time and they worked flawlessly. The first time I used the book's suggestions, I had to sit down our 16 year old to explain that he would not be able to have his own car or even drive our cars. I opened the discussion by letting him know we understand how important having his license and driving is to him and that it's something he's been looking forward to for a long time. We explained that we will support him 100% in getting his license, but we aren't comfortable giving him sole use of our vehicles or buying him a vehicle because we are not willing to take on the financial liability. We explained, we would continue to support him in saving his money, help him to shop around when the time was right for a car and for insurance, etc. And that come prom, we would even be willing to pay for a driving service so that he didn't have to worry about that either. He took the news extremely well even though he was disappointed. To my surprise, the next day he even did extra chores around the house without being asked! The discussions then and afterwards on the topic were calm and respectful from both sides. It was amazing. Highly recommend this book! It challenged me to think think about life from the perspective of the teen, and if forced me to be mature which is what I want to exemplify to him in the first place.

So I'm not knocking the authors here...this book is compassionate and intelligent and the overall ideology is very sound and it's probably my fault for not considering the publishing date (2005). It recommends things like regulating our own emotional responses to our teens behaviors, teaching them to identify and regulate their feelings, and working together to seek solutions to everyday conflicts, which is all applicable and helpful.However, the language and examples given reflect a different generation of both parents and kids. Things that drove MY parents crazy (like my rock 'n roll music being too loud) aren't problems for me at all, and the complex issues modern parents and teens now face (social media interaction and regulation, post-pandemic mental health concerns, anxiety over political and social differences) are, of course, not discussed yet.As a Gen X parent of a Gen Z teen, I respect and appreciate the ideas behind this book but just don't find them applicable in this era. I would love an updated version!

I loved the advice that this book provides for parents. The drawings/cartoons are nice too because they helped me imagine possible scenarios. I recommend this book for any parent who has even occasional and/or moderate conflict w a teenage child. I used some of the strategies with my 18 year old boy—for example, I just listened and said “mmm” or “sounds rough” and refrained from giving him advice when he was complaining about something. At the end of the conversation he actually thanked me and said it felt good to talk with me!!

I love all the Faber/Mazlish books and think they are essential basic reading for everyone, but especially parents. If you have the time and patience, I recommend starting with their first book, Liberated Parents/Children Your Guide to a Happier Family. It delves into the thought process behind this approach to parenting in a semi-entertaining way. Having this background makes it much easier to practice the skills taught more thoroughly in the "How to Talk" books and the "Siblings without Rivalry" book. The Liberated Parents & Siblings books are told in a story form approach, making them more interesting and heart-warming. How to Talk cuts straight to the heart of the matter to teach skills both by explanation and example. All are good, start with whichever you feel you need most. I have 9, 12, and 14 year olds, and every time I find myself frustrated I realize I've deviated from these parenting skills. Returning to them fixes the situation more often than not. It's amazing how much better of a parent I am with this approach, which doesn't come naturally to me. I fall off the wagon all the time, but am so glad to have this to come back to when we're having challenges. Thank you to these wonderful authors!

These tools will not always work - but they DO work often, and frankly, that’s good enough for me. My tweens are becoming teens and I am implementing some strategies I should have long ago - hopefully they will continue to help us as a family like they have been so far.

I am a therapist and ordered this book so that I could get a sense of whether or not I would recommend it to the parents of my teenage clients (I am not a parent myself). Overall, I found the book enjoyable to read with plenty of relatable examples and tangible strategies for approaching conflict in a constructive way. However, I was very disappointed in the final chapter of the book by some of the author's comments regarding how a parent reacts to their child being gay. On page 178, she writes "Coming to terms with a teenager's homosexuality is never easy for any parent." This type of language and rhetoric reinforces the idea that to be gay is problematic and reveals some of the author's personal bias against LGBTQ folks. I do think it is important that parents are provided with tools and resources for ensuring that they are able to have supportive conversations with their children about sexuality, bu this one section of the book needs to be updated to reflect more inclusive language that does not connect gayness with something to be feared or dreaded by parents.